#RhythmandBluesVarietyHour: Living in Insanity

When I say I’ve been dealing with this monster in my head for years, I mean it. This piece goes back to college, but I probably had the melody and some of the words for it down in high school somewhere.

If I have to say so myself, this is one of the most honest things I’ve ever written.

Living in Insanity Written 4/30/08

 

Living in this sweetest insanity

Lord willing all the things he’s handed me

Has led me to leave my own reality

Understand, my senses are failing me

 

I never asked to have any part in this

Left me in this world without no guidance

Slowly fell into perpetual silence

Hands engaged in unnatural acts of violence

 

And why do I have to suffer

To let these tears cradle my face

Why am I the way I am

Why did I get put in this place

And why do I have the urge

To inflict harm on all that’s good

And the voices are starting to tell me

That I should, damn it I should

 

Living in this sweetest insanity

Sweet because I can be what I don’t need to be

Insanity is the best pleasure for me

Understand, my senses are failing me

 

I feel so helpless in my own mind

Be my sole company that’s hard to find

Be my salvation if you have the time

Be my salvation, just be mine

 

I feel so conflicted

I don’t know what to do

I don’t want your pity

You don’t know what I’m going through

Tell me how you can figure

You don’t hear the voices in my head

I hate this feeling

It feels me with so much dread

 

Living in this sweetest insanity

Lord willing, all the things he’s handed me

Has led me to leave my own reality

Sweet because I can be what I don’t need to be

Insanity is the best pleasure for me

Understand, my senses are failing me

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