When I say I’ve been dealing with this monster in my head for years, I mean it. This piece goes back to college, but I probably had the melody and some of the words for it down in high school somewhere.
If I have to say so myself, this is one of the most honest things I’ve ever written.
Living in Insanity Written 4/30/08
Living in this sweetest insanity
Lord willing all the things he’s handed me
Has led me to leave my own reality
Understand, my senses are failing me
I never asked to have any part in this
Left me in this world without no guidance
Slowly fell into perpetual silence
Hands engaged in unnatural acts of violence
And why do I have to suffer
To let these tears cradle my face
Why am I the way I am
Why did I get put in this place
And why do I have the urge
To inflict harm on all that’s good
And the voices are starting to tell me
That I should, damn it I should
Living in this sweetest insanity
Sweet because I can be what I don’t need to be
Insanity is the best pleasure for me
Understand, my senses are failing me
I feel so helpless in my own mind
Be my sole company that’s hard to find
Be my salvation if you have the time
Be my salvation, just be mine
I feel so conflicted
I don’t know what to do
I don’t want your pity
You don’t know what I’m going through
Tell me how you can figure
You don’t hear the voices in my head
I hate this feeling
It feels me with so much dread
Living in this sweetest insanity
Lord willing, all the things he’s handed me
Has led me to leave my own reality
Sweet because I can be what I don’t need to be
Insanity is the best pleasure for me
Understand, my senses are failing me
Nice