#InternetKilledtheRadioStar: Lose Control

This video felt like an event.

Missy was at the top of her game coming into her sixth album The Cookbook. Ciara was coming off an impressive debut season with her album Goodies. Fatman Scoop was still yelling over records from here to London.

Brings a tear to my eye how fast time passes.

This is when they still invested a ton of money into music videos. The production design, the concept, the dance sequence. I don’t know if we deserved Missy’s entire je ne sais quoi. She was a visionary. I feel kinship with Missy. She gets it.

#RhythmandBluesVariety Hour: True Friends Stab You in the Front

From the collection The Unsungs

The Unsungs are the items that didn’t fit my stands to make a collection or incomplete items, or just simple poems.

True Friends Stab You in the Front- Written 12/14/10

And I know where my real friends stand

As they face me with the knife in their hand

And they tell me that I am always wrong

They tell me why they have to bring me down

Instead of doing like others and giving me the run around

Then I tell them that I love you all

 

Because they’re the only ones I can trust

To stab with me with a metal blade covered in rust

Because we all know

True friends stab you in the front

 

I won’t take no backstabbers talking to me

Waiting to stab me with so much malice and glee

My friends are honest and in return so am I

And when we hurt someone we look them in the eye

And say that this is going to hurt so much more

Than the worst pain you ever felt before

But I’d rather have you than somebody else

Stabbing me wholeheartedly in my chest

 

Because they’re the only ones I can trust

To stab me with a metal blade covered in rust

And we all know

True friends stab you in the front

 

 

#RhythmandBluesVariety Hour: Thunder in Paradise

From the collection Kingdom

First, fuck Hulk Hogan.

Thunder in Paradise was his foray into first-run syndication television territory and it lasted for a good eight months and one television movie back in 1993-1994. Thunder was the boat.

I found it to be a dope title.

Thunder in Paradise- Written 10/9/11

There’s a darkness in my soul

I hear that thunder roll

You don’t even look at me the same way anymore

We gotta make this right

Don’t wanna start a fight

But I hear some trouble in our paradise

Our love is growing cold

I hear that thunder roll

Yes there’s some thunder in our paradise

 

I don’t feel as close to you as I should

I don’t know what’s going on between us

What are we letting defeat us

I’d meet you halfway if only you would

Things have changed with us so quickly

All the love gone in the blink of an eye

I don’t know exactly why

I can feel it in the way you kiss me

 

You don’t touch me like you used to

You don’t fuck me like you used to either

Every other word is something smart

I feel this hardness growing in my heart

(I have to tell you)

 

There’s a darkness in my soul

I hear that thunder roll

You don’t even look at me the same way anymore

We gotta make this right

Don’t wanna start a fight

But I hear some trouble in our paradise

Our love is growing cold

I hear that thunder roll

Yes there’s some thunder in our paradise

 

Baby when did we become so distant

Do either of us know the truth

Where is the proof

That we were crazy about each other for a brief instance

You don’t even call you don’t even smile

Am I not doing what I’m supposed to do for you

What do you want me to do

Because I’ve been out of answers for a long while

 

Do I not love you like I used to

Do I not need you like I used to

We’ve created a small slice of paradise

And baby you are my life

 

There’s a darkness in my soul

I hear that thunder roll

You don’t even look at me the same way anymore

We gotta make this right

Don’t wanna start a fight

But I hear some trouble in our paradise

Our love is growing cold

I hear that thunder roll

Yes there’s some thunder in our paradise

#InternetKilledtheVideoStar: Bitch Please

Let me preface this for a certain segment of the population: I got a lot of internalized misogyny to work on.

You do too, even if you don’t admit it, so don’t try to be high and mighty above me.

With that being said, let’s get into some straight up West Coast gangta shit.

All I wanna be was a G, ha!
My whole life, nigga please, ha!

Breaking off these motherfuckin keys, ha!
Let’s get these motherfuckin G’s, ha!
Nigga you don’t wanna fuck with this

I don’t care to explain why this song makes me do like Pam did in that episode of Martin when Biggie Smalls appeared on there, which by the way, is a Top 3 episode of Martin to me, fight me later.

giphy

But it does, and I was reminded the other day on the way home from my place of employment.

You have West Coasts legends being straight up Gs. Xzhibit was still rocking the cornrolls (I saw him on Bong Apetit and he was bald. Bald. My youth y’all).  Snoop was still trying to be a pimp. Nate Dogg was being one of the best vocal talents to be put on wax (fight me). This song and the corresponding video makes me want to put on a fresh pair of Chucks (canvas, none of that leather shit), iron my khakis until they’re stiff as a jizz filled sock and wear my oversized white-T and button up shirt combo with pride. The ’64 Impala in my head sits on the shiniest of chrome with the most advance hydraulics system ever so I can ride three wheels up and down Crenshaw in style.

Man, white folks is moving in, ain’t nobody riding in low riders up and down Crenshaw anymore.

This was No Limit era Snoop too. WATTBA.

Bask in the opulence, decadence, Black excellence* of “Bitch Please.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*This really depends on who you ask. 

#RhythmandBluesVariety Hour: Another Shame

This is included in the collection Everything But the Kitchen Sink

Obsessive lust is a bitch. I never want to feel that way about anyone again. But damn if it wasn’t inspiring.

Another Shame Written 5/10/06

Now what have all my efforts been for

If I’m gonna go running back to your door

Cause I’m a fool for you, you’re not a fool for me

And I don’t understand what can possibly result from this

This shit that I put myself through

Damn it I was supposed to be through

A long time ago

 

I rehabbed my senses

Built my defenses

Contemplated my reasons for having this disease

And tried to put you behind me

Tried to redefine me

But I couldn’t shake the stigmata of you off my very being

And I’m still blind for you while I’m very much seeing

 

That you still got me by the reins

You’re back to driving me insane

And you know it’s a shame

 

(Shame, shame, shame)

That I keep running back to you

Why do I do what I do

(Shame, shame, shame)

That I have such a hold

And I can’t let go

(Shame, shame, shame)

That I want you back after all this time

That by denying you I was living a lie

And you know

You know it’s a shame

 

What has all my misery been for

Now that you’re back I yearn for you even more

I hate how I run back into your arms

I think you’re causing my sanity some harm-

Ful intentions

Got me inventing new ways to get out

Damn it I want to get out

Away from you

 

I’m your slave

Can’t change my ways

Hypnotized by your eyes

And I’ve failed to realize

The shit that happened to make me leave

Make me grieve

Over this affair that will never die

I can’t leave you alone, why do I even try

 

And yes you’ve still got me by the reins

Back to the pleasure of driving me insane

And you know it’s a shame

 

(Shame, shame, shame)

That I keep running back to you

Why do I do what I do

(Shame, shame, shame)

That I have such a hold

And I can’t let go

(Shame, shame, shame)

That I want you back after all this time

That by denying you I was living a lie

And you know

You know it’s a shame

 

 

#InternetKilledtheVideoStar: Wannbe

Yo, I tell you what I want.

I want to celebrate this shit.

Quite honestly, while impressive, this isn’t one of my favorite videos. It was done in one take in the Midland Grand Hotel in St. Pancras, London. Sporty Spice did a back handspring (which earned her my devotion). They ran around and fucking up rich people’s stuffy shit. Ginger Spice had red hair. It’s definitely a memorable video, but not one of my favorites. Nevertheless, the Spice Girls invaded America in January 1997 and “Wannabe” is now considered one of the most memorable songs of the last 60 years.

It also brings me back to simpler times.

#InternetKilledtheVideoStar Vol. 4- California Love Part 1

Let me preface this by saying that after almost 22 years of this song, I cannot stand it anymore.

I’m from California, I live here. I can do without hearing this song ever again in my life.

Even on the rare occasions that I do decide to be amongst the peons, if it comes on, I’ll groan but dance. But in my personal time (which is all of my time, quite honestly), fuck no, I will turn the radio off, change the channel if they play a snippet, if the video happens to play on those rare occasions someone plays videos, I will turn. I cannot willingly do it.

Even when pulling up the video for this song, I put it on mute. I didn’t listen to it. I refused.

With that being said, the video is dope as fuck.

What was dope about it?

The Mad Max post-apocalyptic aesthetic full of Black people having one massive fight in the Thunderdome, yes, the actual Thunderdome from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Because people don’t ever think we’ll make it to the future. Our ancestors were the first, we just might be the last. Also, because Hype Williams had the juice.

Hype Williams. Hype Williams had an amazing run. He’s still doing the damn thing, but that initial run, my God.

That Jada Pinkett Smith gave them the idea.

That this video has a “To Be Continued…” at the end of it, and the shit was actually continued.

You know how many videos there are with a “To Be Continued…” at the end and they don’t get continued? I really think motherfuckers were putting that at the end of their videos thinking they were doing big things and they weren’t doing anything but annoying the fuck out of people who expected a continuation of some sort.

The casting: Chris Tucker when he was still funny. Tony Cox, George Clinton, because funk will survive the apocalypse and Roger Troutman on the talk box.

All in all, I cannot stand the song anymore, but this video deserves props if only for the visual.

 

The Mae Young Classic Classic Episodes 5-9

I finally watched the rest of this.

I’m taking that hiatus seriously.

I already tripped up and watched Monday Night RAW on Labor Day, but I wasn’t necessarily in control of the TV and it was fun to have my brother to shit on the product with.

This time around, spoilers weren’t so unavoidable, however the finals turned out exactly as I expected them to, and the winner was the woman I expected it to be, so was I really spoiled if I gave you prophecy on my first joint?

Let’s get with the opinions!

The Good

  •  Kairi Sane and Bianca BelAir was the match of episode 5. I can’t decide for episode 6 or 7. Kairi Sane versus Toni Storm takes it for episode 8.
  • Mercedes Martinez getting her due.
  • I’m surprised, but not too surprised, that Toni Storm won her semi-final match against Serena Deeb.
  • With that being said, the Strong Zero is a move. I’ll have to steal that for my fantasy wrestling move list. I looked up what it looks like outside the WWE and it’s a fucking piledriver.
  • Shayna Baszler vs. Mia Yim had a nice little sequence there after Shayna tweaked Mia’s ankle and started tossing her around.
  • That sleeper finish.
  • Dude yelling “Teach her how to wrestle!” to Mercedes during her match with Shayna Baszler.
  •  They cut Lilian Garcia a check?!

The Bad

  • Abbey Laith used that same move. I guess. I mean, it’s the second round, you gotta come harder.
  • I was also expecting Rachel Evans to win.
  • That they are already selling this Four Horsewomen MMA vs Four Horsewomen WWE. I’m just not that hype to see that. Really not very hyped to see Ronda Rousey in a full time capacity inside the wrestling ring.
  • Can we just sign Mia Yim?

 

Triple H The WWE did good with this tournament. I actually do hopes this becomes a yearly thing. I know there’s tons of female talent out there, newbies, veterans and everything in between and it would be nice to see them get even more shine by being seen on WWE, even if it’s just for a tournament. SHIMMER, Shine, Stardom and the various other promotions out there have been holding it down in women’s wrestling for quite a while, so for the WWE it’s more of a better late than never situation, and trust me, I lived through the Divas years. However, they’re trying. Granted, much of that is to attract a female audience because they have tremendous buying power I can give them just an iota of credit for that.

 

If you haven’t watched the inaugural Mae Young Classic yet, you can watch it for $9.99 per month on the WWE Network, who is not paying me for this advertising.   

#InternetKilledtheVideoStar Vol. 3: Human Nature

Sorry, this ain’t about the song written by the Honorable St. Michael Joseph, of the Gary, Indiana Jacksons, First of His Name, Last of His Kind, Walker of the Moon, Ruler of the Neverland Realm.

Instead, we are visiting another song with the same name by the Honorable Madonna of House Mononym, Appropriatress of Vogue, Master of Disguise, Queen of Titillation, Mother of Gaga. Let’s look at “Human Nature.”

This video stuck with me as a child. You got pale ass Madonna rocking black cornrows akin to an extra in Hellraiser, wearing black leather getting groped and felt on and giving us soft BDSM vibes. As a child too ahead of the curve, I liked it.

Then I got older and listened to the lyrics and they were Madonna’s “Fuck you!” to everyone who criticized her brand of sexual display from the SEX book and her previous album Erotica. I felt those lyrics because I understood where she was coming from, and I still do. As a society, we are too hung up on a biological urge and how it’s done and who it’s done with.

And then I got even older and realized that Madonna was given a lot of leeway in the early 1990s, while Janet couldn’t even show her face in public for a while after her titty came out at the Super Bowl in 2004 and I got a bit angry.

But I think that justice usually comes slow, because Janet is out here having babies at 50 and still looking like she’s 35, and Madonna is angular.

I know, misogyny and ageism isn’t cute.

Point is, this video was dope for it’s time. It’s showing it’s age now, or maybe I just know more. The Bedtime Stories album did produce two of my lower end of the spectrum favorite songs in “Take a Bow” and “Secret.” While the song itself is nothing too remarkable, this video, again, struck a cord with my pre-perverted mind and it has a place in my mental Rolodex of why I got into the arts.

 

#InternetKilledtheVideoStar Vol. 2: Virtual Insanity

This is the song that predicted all of this shit. Tell me, I challenge you, that we are not living in a world of virtual insanity.

Granted, Jay Kay, the lead singer of the funk/acid Jazz band Jamiroquai wasn’t really getting into cell phones and computers and all of the goodness that we enjoy today, but the song invokes feelings of a changing world, a changing atmosphere.

And the video was mind blowing.

This video had people so confused, asking so many questions, wondering about the very fabric of space time, that the director Jonathan Glazer released a video explain the techniques he used to make things that were moving look like they weren’t. This is one of the videos that I will site as sparking an interest in visual arts when I was a kid.

The video is the perfect compliment to invoke the feelings of, “Something’s not right,” that the song discusses in its lyrics. Bask in this 21-year old visual.